#16: Cuba

Ideally I would like to try a proper Cuban craft beer, made with love, but I think my chances of getting my hands on one are about as likely as my becoming a witch doctor. So I have to settle for... Cubanero! Which I found at the astonishingly large and well-stocked Warners on the Bay bottleshop on the New South Wales central coast.

At first glance, everything about this beer reeks of "export tourist crap that the locals wouldn't touch if their head was on fire". The silly name, the cheesy cartoonish picture of a pirate on the front, it's all a bad sign. And drinking it... well, it tastes like a generic export beer too. Just another inoffensive medium-light bodied lager, goes down ok with some salty or spicy food, but not much interesting going on here. The Cubans can probably make better beer than this, but I had to take my chances when I saw this one.

Name: Cubanero
Country of production: Republic of Cuba
Style: Lager
Taste: Mild generic lager
Cost: around AU$5 per bottle
Availability in AU: Low
Cred: Medium
My score: 5 out of 10 bizarre trade embargoes

#15: Laos

Laos is a small landlocked country in Southeast Asia, not really famous for its beer, or perhaps really much else. Nevertheless they make a beer, called Beer Lao; I tried it in Thailand a while ago, forgot to photograph it, but managed to get my hands on it here. So what is it like?

Much as I wanted to like Beer Lao, I really can't say I did. Lao is a poor country, and their beer is made from rice (true) instead of barley or wheat, which is a cheap and easy to grow grain, but one that doesn't lend itself to quality beers. It starts off as a fairly average lager with a pretty strong malt tone, but about halfway through it develops a quite unpleasant stale, starchy aftertaste, which probably comes from the rice base. I'm afraid I can't really recommend Beer Lao.

Name: Beer Lao
Country of production: Lao People's Democratic Republic
Style: Lager
Taste: Medium bodied lager with unpleasant rice aftertaste developing
Cost: around AU$4 per bottle
Availability in AU: Low
Cred: Medium high
My score: 4.5 out of 10 oppressed tribal minorities

#14: South Africa

South Africa is a country not known so much for the peculiarities of its individual beers, but for its beer producers, or rather producer: the South African colossus SABMiller (formerly SAB or South African Breweries Limited) bought not only the US beer brand Miller, but recently completed a takeover of Australia's own Fosters. It truly is a mighty giant amongst giants as far as industrial beer producers go. They hold a 98% market share in the South African market and significant ownership all over the world.

But how does their own flagship South African beer, Castle Lager taste? I tried some at a local Newtown restaurant called Smash (specialising in sausages and mash, nice!), and it went down fairly well. It's a fairly generic lager, but with a bit more grainy body and punch than your average generic European lager, reminding me a bit more of Australian beers such as Carlton Draught. It was not bad to wash down some spicy sausages with, but it's no craft beer and I wouldn't go running out of my way to find another one.


Name: Castle Lager
Country of production: Republic of South Africa
Style: Lager
Taste: Decent grainy body, moderate slightly bitter finish, not too interesting
Cost: around AU$7 per bottle
Availability in AU: Low
Cred: Low medium
My score: 6 out of 10 carjackings

Country #13: Indonesia

Bintang. Bintang. BINTANG!!! I love the sound of the word Bintang. It sounds like it's something that someone would scream at you in Indonesian before they start attacking you with machetes. It's also the name of a beer, the most popular beer in Indonesia in fact! Indonesia is of course a predominantly Muslim country, but it has a very thriving tourist market (mainly Australians, who despite moving gradually towards wine, are still quite heavy beer drinkers) so produces a fair bit of beer. Anyway Bintang is on the surface, a fairly traditional and not hugely interesting lager. Heineken has a fair bit to say in regards to its production, so that's not very surprising. But it has a nice fizz and a delicate slight hop to its body, and I found it to go down very well with spicy food. n fact, I washed down a home-made Beef Rendang with it (a legendary Indonesian dish), and it was quite marvellous! So make sure you pair this beer with the right kind of spicy food, and I think you'll find it quite pleasant indeed.

Name: Bintang
Country of production: Republic of Indonesia
Style: Lager
Taste: simple, crisp lager with lightly hopped nose and body
Cost: around AU$4 per bottle
Availability in AU: Low to medium
Cred: Low
My score: 6.5 out of 10 densely populated archipelagos

Country #12: South Korea

I got around to trying one of the main Korean beer brands, Hite (apparently pronounced as in English "height", not Hir-Tay, as I originally thought it would be) at a Korean restaurant recently. And I must say, the people of South Korea should really hang their heads in shame. This is a very bad beer indeed; it just tastes like a cheap, nasty, industrially processed lager, and has clearly not been made with love. It's quite surprising, since South Korea is an advanced country with a large population who have worked hard since WW2 to build up their prosperity (in sharp contrast to the terrible misery of the North Korean totalitarian state). They have an amazing cuisine, a wide range of interesting rice based drinks, but it seems they really can't make a decent beer (the other major brands apparently taste the same as Hite). I'm keenly looking forward to trying (if I can get my hands on it somehow) the North Korean beer, Taedonggang. If it's better than Hite (which it could well be, this is a wretched beer), then it would indeed be a matter of national disgrace!

Name: Hite
Country of production: Republic of Korea (the official name of the country)
Style: Lager
Taste: metallic and horrible
Cost: around AU$5 per bottle
Availability in AU: Low to medium
Cred: Medium
My score: 4 out of 10 industrial conglomerates

Country #11: Poland

Zywiec (pronounced "ziv-ee-yek" I think) is the main beer in Poland. They've been making it in the small town of Zywiec for around 150 years and are now exporting it all over the world, especially to the United States (which has a large Polish community). And it is a good solid beer in my opinion: a full strength, full flavoured pilsner, big and meaty, kind of like Polish food (which I'm a big fan of). It's therefor quite baffling why I am drinking it out of a wine glass in this photo; I think it was at the end of a messy night. Anyway, cheers to the Poles, this beer is a winner in my book!



Name: Zywiec
Country of production: Poland
Style: Pilsner
Taste: Good solid body, lightly hopped, goes well with Eastern European food
Cost: around AU$7 per bottle
Availability in AU: Low
Cred: Medium
My score: 7.5 out of 10 smoked pork sausages

Country #10: Iceland

And now we come to Iceland. A tiny country (a population of only 318,000) famous for its alien geography, banking collapses, and profoundly beautiful yet strangely irritating post-rock music. They also banned beer from 1915 to 1989 (true story!). What a very strange place. Anyway, they apparently have built up quite a good craft beer scene going on in Iceland, but my chances of getting any are slim to none, so I'll have to settle for Viking, which is the country's main brand. More specfically, the low-carb version. Now I'm not really a fan of low-carb beers, since I find they often taste very bland. And I'll say Viking wasn't particularly great. However, it was a HELL of a lot better than the crappy low-carb beers we have around here, with a decent body and a nice grainy aroma. If for whatever strange reason I decided to drink low-carb beers, I'd be quite happy sinking a few Vikings. This makes me curious to try out some more quality Icelandic beer, though I fear for my chances of finding any.

Name: Viking (I believe the default Viking in Iceland is full carb, but the export you get here in Australia is the low carb version, though not specified as such by name)
Country of production: Iceland
Style: Low-carb lager
Taste: Decent body with a faint finish of fresh herbs, grainy aroma
Cost: around AU$5 per bottle
Availability in AU: Low but growing
Cred: Medium
My score: 7 out of 10 buried shark's heads (an Icelandic delicacy, also true story)